day 9. break

He asked to see me yesterday. I broke. There was a kindness and tenderness with him still that I feel so unworthy to receive. And yet through his forgiveness in all the pain that I have caused, I am finding forgiveness in myself.

I don't understand that kind of selflessness.





Maybe I needed to get sick and vulnerable---to lack the will to fight it, in order to receive it.

Dr. Q says that one of my biggest barriers in life is that I sabotage everything I touch because I don't feel worthy of love or happiness.

Maybe she is right about that. About a lot of things. I don't know. I just know that his forgiveness makes me want to be a better person.

I agreed to tell my story in group today. I don't know if I can do it. But I'm going to try. I promised him that I would try.