Rehab?
She kept talking and I kept signing papers or scribbling my name...but all I could hear in my head was the word "admittance."
You come to this place one of two ways.
You either admit.
Or, you are admitted.
Today I was admitted.
I never admitted to anything.
So I like the taste of alcohol. So I'm on edge.
At least I'm not a hypocrite like the rest of my family.
But that's okay. I will play by the rules.
And the rules, according to
"to embrace the community of support that exists only outside of yourself."
She talks about "community" like it's some beautifully wrapped gift to my wretched soul. So every patient in here gets "electronic loans." Notebook computers, camera's...all part of recording and "facilitating our journey toward finding new people, places and things..."
How do you like that for 21st century therapy?
She is so full of shit.
Dr Quinn is completely disillusioned about the entire world. What she doesn't seem to get is that I didnt ask to be here. I don't even exist.
But I will play by the rules. So here is my outreach, Dr. Quinn.
You said there is light. But all I see is darkness...I don't even see me.
Dear Kate:
ReplyDeleteWe all feel lost at the start. You are in a safe place. Hope you will find peace here.
k8:
ReplyDeleteDoc Q is cool. You should give her a change.
~Jo
K8 -
ReplyDeleteI agree. This place blows.
Dear Anonymous 3:58
ReplyDeleteI can't stand the power trips. It's like they build themselves up by putting all of us down. The truth is, they are no different that you and me. It's just we don't hide anything.
Dr.Quinn is a waste of human flesh and so are all of these flakes going along with her. I've been cooped up in this place for 6 weeks and I still hate it.
ReplyDeleteHow are you supposed to get better if there is no community outside of yourself?
ReplyDeleteAwww K8, give it a chance. Dr. Q might be FOS but you might pull something good out of the experience... find a better way
ReplyDeleteDear Tadeygurl:
ReplyDeleteA better way would be fine. Would be nice, in fact...but there are so many rules here. They want you to conform. I'm having a hard time "drinking their cool-aid".
I wonder if you have any idea, if you even care, what it took for "them" to "admit" that this, sending you here, was the only choice you had left them. You crawl into that bottle and hide. They are left picking up all the shattered pieces of your life and the lives of those who love you. You have chosen this self-centered path and gone so far down it that you no longer see any needs ... Except your own need for another drink. So they had to admit that they don't have the answers. They can't help you. And even though it broke another piece of their hearts .... They admitted you. But you have no clue ...
ReplyDeleteHere's the shit honest truth-for everyone else, whether they want to or not, life will go on with or without you. You have to truly, honestly, all bull shit aside find the desire and unquenchable, unshakeable desire to live. Don't do it for anyone else. Do it because there are amazing things about this world that you just don't want to miss out on. Dig really deep inside yourself to find something, no matter how small, that says " yeah, fuck yeah I want to do that, or see that, or experience that". Then do it. And then find the next thing that keeps creating that will to do something that is stronger than the will to hit the god damn bottle. How fucking boring to live in a cloud of alcohol. There is some amazing beauty out there. Somehow, whether through this place or some other outlet, find the fucking amazing wonder and beauty that is just at your finger tips. I promise that it is there.
ReplyDeleteK8-
ReplyDeleteMakes you wonder what she needs to "admit" too….we all have our ways of hiding. Some just less desirable than others.